🪵 Emotional egg baskets

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Roots 🌱 

Something from me

I’ve written a good deal about the amount of social warmth available in male to male friendships. Generally speaking, it ain't much! And so often, as emotional learning becomes more necessary as guys mature, timing-wise it coincides with the search for a partner. Speaking from my own experience and circles, it’s most frequently observed to be a heteronormative partnership whereby at the moment guys develop a need for emotional intimacy, they also develop the search for a partner. Perhaps there is a correlation there 🤷. In any event, that confluence doesn’t warrant a hall pass for dudes to do the work on our own emotional competency. 

For a long time, within heteronormative relationships → marriages, women were not viewed as an equal to the male partner. I’m picturing something like the middle ages up to the Titanic era - even longer probably? In such cases, in order to maintain the facade or institution of the relationship → marriage, friendships were a vital pillar to emotional & directional support for both the man and woman. So often acting as confidants and outlets.

With growing (and still more work to be done) equality within a relationship, which is obviously a good thing, it can be said that a relationship → marriage is capable of more. Where historically, partners would seek varying kinds of support from varying kinds of friendships, the expectation of US relationships → marriages is that you have your person and that's all you ever need. Obviously that limits the nuance of an individual's emotional needs. In doing so, expectations and pressures of romantic relationships may simultaneously crowd out room for the diversity of friendships that more accurately represent our needs over time. 

When I think about what that looks like for guys, it’s a bit of a cop out. Because we’re socialized for emotional avoidance, it’s easy to ignore the more sensitive work of being intimate (not like that) with other guys and instead put all of our emotional eggs in our partners basket. Possibly poor choice of words. It’s an unbalanced view of how we hold space for the people in our life. They all take work and they all won’t serve us without us putting in the effort that circumstances allow. 

Trunk 🪵 

How we grow

I doubt people who read this blog will shudder at this comment but many guys might turn their heads. And for many they might just assume it's a bad change or scary to think that norms of masculinity are called into question at this moment. 

Looking at the progress made with the feminist movement, it’d be naive to see that this moment of questioning how to represent the male identity isn’t a cool moment of social change. It feels like the beginning of progress on a lot of other areas and thats pretty prettyyyy cool.

The relationships conversation is of course a part of this in that it highlights what might actually be best for us as individuals or as part of a larger community.

Branches 🌲 

Something from you

Admittedly no immediate comments from last week’s post. And that is okay!

A humble ask for you all: if you’re interested in writing a guest post on The Log, simply reply to this email saying, “Yes!”

Moving along!

Leaves 🍃 

Something to leave you with

What Relationships Would You Want, if You Believed They Were Possible?

• Great listen and inspiration behind this weeks post. Thanks to Ethan in Washington, DC for sharing… What does the post-nuclear family era look like?

Attachment Styles Quiz

• In follow up to this post from a couple weeks ago, thanks to Berk in Oakland, CA for sharing what they feel is a great example of an attachment style quiz

• My results:

  • “You can be very secure with your friends & family, but anxious with your partner or spouse” … Accurate 😟 

Why Men Struggle With Friendship

• Thanks to Justin in Boston, MA for sharing: “Nothing groundbreaking but does a good job highlighting a pretty obvious fact that male friendships can be hindered by fear of being perceived as gay.”

• Great read and a follow up listen with the author from the podcast above

The goal of this blog is to learn a ton and to help others do the same.

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I’m stoked to have you here and talk soon!

Greg

Wind 🌬️ 

What I’m listening to

Thanks to Greg in Boston, MA for this chune. Windows down needing an unwind type of listen ye’gitme??

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