🪵 "Guys don't talk about this stuff..."

Hey everyone, 

Heading into month three I realized that I’ve got some statistics to share with you guys based on those who have filled out The Thinking Log survey.

Guesses for some basic demographic information on the ~200 of you fellow ThInking Loggers?

68% of you identify as male

73% of you are between the ages of 25-34

32% of you are most interested in learning more about loneliness

If you haven’t already, I would be grateful for you to fill out the survey as it’s a great indicator of how to structure these posts moving forward.

Cheers!

Roots 🌱 

Something from me

I feel slight shame around the number of first dates I’ve been on. Couldn’t tell you how many! My roommates from the last four years can verify the amount of times I walked out the door for overpriced cocktails (sick, Greg, we get it you’re sick).

First dates can be great! On the upside, you get a lot of practice telling your story and learn a ton about how you interact with people. Which helps you learn more about yourself. On the downside, momentarily profound connection gives way to hollow shame for not having a continued interest in the person you’re meeting. Which can be exhausting. However I’ve noticed that the moments of profound connection almost always arise from a place of vulnerability or otherwise taboo conversation.

For the dudes reading, it may or may not come as a surprise to learn that women care just as much about male loneliness, emotional wellbeing, and vulnerability as guys do. In fact they’re way better at caring about it than we are. It comes naturally. Friends, friends’ girlfriends, and family members who identify as women are wildly supportive of the dialogue on the Log. That’s important to call that out because for some of us lads, we may read these posts and feel shame around tapping into this side of ourselves. It might even feel uncomfortable and foreign. And certainly not something that warrants sharing with our partner or someone on a first date. Au contraire!

I’m not advocating for trauma dumping and I’m not saying you have to simp for this stuff so as to start a blog about it 😳. I am saying that dudes stand to benefit from attunement to your emotional state and sharing it with others, not least of all the women in your life.

I bring this up because there have been many first dates where I’ve been met with a “guys don’t talk about this stuff” in response to sharing something related to therapy or my emotions or anything mildly intimate for that matter. And that absolutely baffles me. While I think it’s meant to be a compliment (maybe?) I can’t help but feel like the standard for dudes and what’s expected of us is in the can. It makes me wonder what guys actually feel comfortable talking about. And I wonder what guys think they’re supposed to talk about on dates. And I wonder if that’s because of the standards we’ve set for ourselves in male friendships. And how a lack of willingness or acceptance to go to a vulnerable place leads to negative outcomes down the road. And so on and so forth.

Trunk 🪵 

How we grow

On barriers observed in men when it comes to seeking support:

Thought this was relevant to today’s Roots. Cultural norms as indicators of our ability to look inside ourselves with a couple examples.

I’ll zoom out one degree further and say our environmental norms as indicators of our ability to turn inward. We are products of our environment and if our environment never allows us to reflect or promote authenticity, how the heck are we supposed to connect with others.

A perpetually surface-level society is a disconnected society. We’re all crying out for more meaningful connection. We do be having to start by connecting with ourselves! 🤪 

Branches 🌲 

Something from you

Thanks to Spenser in New York, NY for this share on the Log:

Thanks to Evie in Boston, MA for this cartoon share! Shoutout the homies. Gave me a right chuckle:

Leaves 🍃 

Something to leave you with

Reddit - Vincent Kompany explains Lyle Foster’s absence for mental health and the importance of it.

• More mental wellbeing content from the footy world. Great listen. And love the top comment: 

  • “Have to assume Foster gave Kompany and the club the go-ahead to discuss this, which makes it all the more impressive that he's able to be so open about it. And it's great, because that's how a culture of "asking for help" grows.”

UNESCO - The origins of violence

• Some further research after this Log from a few weeks ago

  • “As the studies of early human societies show, when faced with crises, a community is more resilient if it is based on cooperation and mutual support, rather than on individualism and competition.”

Youtube - Dave (feat. Alex) - Thiago Silva

• Absolutely wholesome//electric content from Dave here. Grinning the whole time watching.

• Thanks to Greg in Boston, MA for sharing.

The goal of this blog is to learn a ton and to help others do the same.

Your feedback is always welcome, and if there’s a topic that you want to hear more about, please contact me or fill out this quick survey!

• Twitter: twitter.com/gregmilnarik

• Survey: forms.gle/Mbg5xaHmw8JKriFo8

If you enjoyed the read or found it thought provoking, I’d be grateful for you to share it with one other person who might as well by sharing the subscribe button below.

I’m stoked to have you here and talk soon!

Greg

Wind 🌬️ 

What I’m listening to

Ski season has arrived! And so too has the accompanying soundtrack.

An all time fav:

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