🪵Whatcha know about social connection

Hey everyone,

Some fellow loggers informed me that my email was going to spam and that the “Share The Thinking Log” button was an empty link.

With that in mind, I have two favors and would be hugely grateful for your help:

• If you haven’t already, it’d be great if you could respond to this email saying “received” as this tells your inbox to trust my emails and keeps them out of spam

• If at any point you’ve found these thought provoking or worthy of sharing with someone who might, I’d appreciate sharing The Thinking Log with this link so your mates can subscribe

That’s all! Hope to spark even a crumb of novel thought this week :)

Roots (something from me)

Relationships revolve around intimacy. In conversations with therapists and dudes over the past few months, I’ve gotten a sense that intimacy and sharing intimately isn’t common amongst the #homies. Day to day, this might appear as a lack of sharing between friends, but when you look at how community is or is not nurtured over time, I feel a lack of intimacy contributes to the epidemic facing the US currently: loneliness.

As mentioned last week, I have felt some insecurity in my romantic intimacy in recent years. However during that same time, I could not be more proud of the emphasis I have put on intimacy with my friends, many of which are guys. And many of which sat around a Thinking Log (see below) years ago!

These lads have provided me with so much of the same warmth, validation, support, admiration, and growth that one typically finds in a romantic partner. And yes of course I understand this is not a substitute for romantic intimacy (trust me 😅). However, I also understand that as humans, we have needs for social warmth and that it’s unfair to place all of those needs into one singular romantic relationship. I mean shit no pressure!

And so when I think about how rampant loneliness exists in our communities, I think about the barriers for why people don’t continue to invest in their social connections. Maybe it’s not wanting to “bother” friends and family members. Maybe guys’ perceived lack of romantic intimacy is because they don’t feel really connected to their friends. Maybe, just maybe, being vulnerable enough to let others support you could go a long way in combatting the loneliness for you and your friends & family.

Trunk (something from therapists)

I am no attachment theory expert. So I thank Lenni for dropping me some knowledge in our recent conversation. I’m realizing as I continue to post these updates that so much of this work revolves around cultivating a space for people to feel heard, and safe, and valid.

I’m left befuddled that it can reach a point where you can go from having no feelings of angst and depression to feeling like Chicken Little and your sky really do be falling. And without a place to understand why it feels like your sky is falling, how damaging that internalization can be.

For guys specifically, “preventative care” can be prohibitive because that title assumes that they accept something might actually be wrong in the first place. And so that space only becomes available to the guys who understand they need help. My question now is how do we help people see that something might be wrong AND let them know that seeking help - or building strength around a certain topic - is not only good for their wellbeing, but actually really cool.

Branches (something from you)

In response to last week’s post, appreciate these words from Matt in New York, NY:

And from Jordan in Albany, NY:

I felt really proud reading both of these. And appreciate both of you sharing your thoughts on The Log :)

Leaves (something to leave you with)

I watched and graded all of Messi’s 800 goals to determine their average quality (and distract myself from my breakup) 

• Outrageous thread but peep the top comment lol (also Messi = 🐐)

Trevor Noah - Unpacking the conversation around sex and a society where men are afraid to be vulnerable

• Thanks to Harris in San Francisco, CA for sharing the inspiration behind this week’s post

How the World's First Loneliness Minister Will Tackle 'the Sad Reality of Modern Life'

• Four years ago, the British government appointed a minister of loneliness to address growing concerns among the public. One town set up “Happy to Chat” benches, with signs reading “Sit here if you don’t mind someone stopping to say hello.” The model has proved popular and spread around England and to Canada and Poland.

• I looooove it I love it I love it

The goal of this blog is to learn a ton and to help others do the same.

Your feedback is always welcome, and if there’s a topic that you want to hear more about, please contact me or fill out this quick survey!

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I’m stoked to have you here and talk soon!

Greg

Ya know when it feels like a chapter of life reaches its natural conclusion and there was one song along for the ride?

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