🪵Working on it

Hello friends, loggers, mates, dutiful readers.

The Thinking Log is always a work in progress. As such, I am switching up the section names to better align with blog’s original inspiration.

Something from me → “Roots” (ya know, like my roots)

Something from therapists → “Trunk” (how we grow)

Something from you → “Branches” (branch out, get it?)

Something to leave you with → “Leaves” (shoutout Ethan in DC for this idea)

Roots  (something from me)

For a long time, I felt pretty insecure about how/why I haven't been in a “girlfriend/boyfriend” relationship in a number of years. I don’t mean situationships, or dating, or flings - I mean what lies beyond that.

Looking to the past to understand the present, my parents were high school sweethearts and it ended in divorce. For eighteen year-old Greg, I was terrified to make that same mistake, so fear led me to end my otherwise wonderful high school relationship early in college. This was the first instance of how a fear grew into a means of protecting myself from the same hurt of a divorce (read: irrational).

In college (and thereafter, in the world of post-grad Hinge dating), that fear evolved into further irrational thoughts of settling down and being with the “wrong” person, thereby making the same mistake. Whether it was the few instances of ghosting or getting an “ick” too easily, I avoided as a means of protection from the hurt that’s associated with crumbling relationships.

More recently, two things have helped me grow and learn through these realizations:

Firstly, therapy helped me see that fear as something separate from Greg as the person. It’s there, and comes out in moments, but to be aware of it now affords me the ability stave off the irrational actions that it might give rise to. Always a work in progress!

Secondly, a couple of really really lovely people have helped me see that I am capable of being with someone with intention and clarity. It’s likely they don’t know how highly I hold them in regard for this, but to see the possibility has been liberating… Thank you for that 🙂

Trunk  (something from therapists)

Therapists have consistently told me that men are more concerned with seeing tangible progress than their female counterparts, who tend to be more patient along the road of therapy.

Maybe this is because how guys tend to socialize throughout their life. Often, but not always, dudes spend a lot of time participating in results-oriented activities: playing sports, watching sports, or playing video games. Shoot, score, win! And “if you ain’t first, you’re last” type mentality.

This is a useful framework to help me understand how things work upstairs. And I think it’s better to work with rather than against this current when addressing male mental health challenges. Focusing on tangible outcomes isn’t inherently a bad thing - even in therapy. It’s more so a matter of how we help people channel that instinct to promote overall well-being.

Branches  (something from you)

Big thanks to Frank in Newport Beach for his kind words last week:

Leaves (something to leave you with)

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to bring the benefits of therapy to more people. And what it would look like to infuse vulnerability into pre-existing communities rather than creating a new community in isolation. More to come on this. In the meantime I’ll leave you with a 5-minute read and a 15-minute watch to learn more:

• Definition of Social Therapy and its benefits

• Stopping Suicide With Story | Sally Spencer-Thomas Ted Talk

  • Couple quotes that struck me:

    • “I believe that suicide prevention and mental health promotion are some of the most unaddressed, cross-cultural, multigenerational social justice issues of our times.”

    • “It's not good enough to just call out stigma and mental health, what really shifted stigma was the contact experience… being with people who share their mental health experiences.”

The goal of this blog is to learn a ton and to help others do the same.

Your feedback is always welcome, and if there’s a topic that you want to hear more about, please contact me or fill out this quick survey!

• Twitter: twitter.com/gregmilnarik

• Survey: forms.gle/Mbg5xaHmw8JKriFo8

If you enjoyed the read or found it thought provoking, I’d be grateful for you to share it with one other person who might as well by sharing the subscribe button below.

I’m stoked to have you here and talk soon!

Greg

Missed Hip Hop’s 50th last week! In honor of the blog reformat and content from this week…

“From the roots to the branches to the leaves they say apples don’t fall far from the trees”

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