Hey everyone - so grateful for all the feedback on last week’s post. Shoutout to Julia in Boston who had this to say:

More on this later. This week I’m talking about an early lesson from one of my siblings, the second most common thing I’ve learned from therapists, and something from you.

Something From Me

I have two wonderful older siblings: Raymond and Berk. Although very different, they’ve both taught me so much.

Building on last week’s post, both have modeled different values that have shaped parts of my identity as a guy.

Here’s the three of us looking cute back in the day:

Circa junior high school, Berk (right) taught me a lesson in perspective as they navigated the difficulty of coming out in our socially conservative hometown.

Berk’s message was packed with emotion. Matter of fact so as to deliver with blunt humor, but with a tangible frustration at the difficulty of their present situation. It sounded something like this:

“Gregsyyyy, DON’T be a douchebag, okay??”

Hard to process that at 13 years old tbh. At the time, all that meant to me was that if I loved Berk and didn’t want to upset them anymore, I should refrain from using the word “gay” or other related profanities.

Looking back, Berk’s words have proven formative. Berk modeled and continues to model genuine vulnerability and bravery which has given me permission to take a real look in the mirror of how I present.

The mirror showed I may present like a stereotypical bro based on appearance, but I now had permission to explore my genuine inner self. Another reminder of holding space and reserving judgment until you know what’s going on.

As a therapist now living in Oakland, Berk approved this blurb and will likely be featured later on. Thanks, Berky! 🙂 

Something From Therapists

Modeling creates the same kind of safe space mentioned last week. In doing so, it allows permission for male identified people to see that their problems are not just their own and are valid just like everyone else's.

As a result, role models (athletes, celebrities, anyone you admire), become important because they represent the possibility of vulnerability. In seeing vulnerability in role models, so too can we see the opportunity for growth and for more meaningful connection in our lives.

As Berk had illustrated to me early on, when you see a definition of yourself as something other than just what other people see, it becomes easier to learn more about yourself.

Something From You

Based on feedback from Julia and other readers, the “Something From You” section will replace “Greg’s Goodreads.” This is where I’ll include feedback or stories shared from the rest of The Thinking Log community.

The hope is that sharing both ways creates an opportunity for vulnerability and more meaningful connection. The feedback loop can of course be anonymous, but if you’d like to include your first name, that’s okay too.

If no feedback comes in, I’ll interpret “You” in the proverbial sense and continue sharing articles or quotes that have given me life/piqued interest recently. So no pressure 🙃 

Bonus Goodread:

Greater Good Berkeley - Five Reasons to Share Your Mental Health

The goal of this blog is to learn a ton and to help others do the same.

Your feedback is always welcome, and if there’s a topic that you want to hear more about, please contact me or fill out this quick survey!

• Twitter: twitter.com/gregmilnarik

• Survey: forms.gle/Mbg5xaHmw8JKriFo8

If you enjoyed the read, please share it with one other person who might as well.

I’m grateful (and stoked!) to have you here.

Talk soon,

Greg

Want to Help Build The Thinking Log?