đŸȘ” Daddy issues

Lapse in empathy, feedback on the Trunk, and the economy of loneliness

Author

Greg Milnarik
November 02, 2023

Hey everyone, 

Plenty of fellow Thinking Loggers have reached out saying that the “Share The Thinking Log” button at the bottom is broken and links to an empty webpage. 

Apologies for that! I am looking into fixes but in the meantime, would be hugely grateful for those that tried to share and couldn’t, to copy and paste this link if so compelled:

I use the free version of this newsletter software which has its limitations so your help and feedback are greatly appreciated!

Roots đŸŒ± 

Something from me

To some who read my posts on the Log or even get to know me in-person, one might think to themselves that I have what society would call “daddy issues.” Based on previous iterations of my relationship with my dad and the work undertaken to understand/accept those relationships, that phrase isn’t entirely wrong! What’s wrong and limiting is that phrase itself. 

As a straight white dude, “daddy issues” falls easier on me because it doesn’t carry the weight of stigma behind it. I can laugh it off because daddy issues are seemingly less frequent for people who identify like me (cis hetero white male). For other genders and identities, consider the implications of the tag “daddy issues” for a moment. It’s often used in reference to women, often originates from a place of sexuality, and almost certainly, definitely is levied by a dude. A dude who doesn’t know one thing about their parental situation and is likely insecure with his own sexual performance or handling of a romantic situation. I say this because at one point I’ve likely (and regrettably) been the dude that used the phrase. 

In a simple twist of fate, it’s me who in fact has the daddy issues. And! That’s okay. Up until recently, I felt confined to that phrase - even though no one has ever said it to me - my inner monologue associated it with my situation. In a Stockholm Syndrome type way, it resonated? Yet that association also felt permanent. As with so many views of how we’re brought up and shaped by our parents, I assumed it was a given that I’d continue through life with these fatherly hurdles and not be able to enact agency that led to change. Silly, silly, Greg!

In bringing awareness to the complexities of the father figure in my life, I became curious. In my curiosity, I became motivated. And in that motivation, I took steps to make a change. If I were to label that process with the oh so corporate lingo of “crawl, walk, run,” it would read something like this:

  • I crawled by opening up to the homies about the fatherly intricacies in my life which always was met with warmth and understanding (thanks, homies)

  • I walked, thanks to a nudge from my sibling, by starting therapy and digging deeper to bring language and acceptance to my situation

  • And I’m running by typing these very words! Running is good for you right? 🙂

I wrote this post with the intention of tying it back to my own thoughts on becoming a father if/when that day comes. I’ll write about that another time. Instead this Thinking Log has led me to a place of wonder. It’s fascinating how language and one phrase contain so much. When looked at critically, “Daddy issues” touches on gender, parental dynamics, norms of masculinity, sexuality, empathy, and so on. Wild! Makes you wonder what other phrases we so often hear/use day to day that can be heard or seen as a naive lapse in empathy. 

Trunk đŸȘ” 

How we grow

Believe it or not, The Thinking Log is not my full time job! And as a result, we’re approaching the end of my notes/soundbites from therapists & college counselor interviews that are applicable to each of the Logs. 


With that in mind, I once again turn to you thoughtful Loggers in hopes of finding direction for where to take this section and how we might all grow together. 

Some ideas I’m considering for this section moving forward:

  • Research more notes/soundbites from therapists sourced from the world wide web based on community interest

  • Continue with my own therapist interviews and include questions from the Thinking Log community

  • Open the “Trunk” to community input where Loggers can share their own stories either anonymously or include first name/location

  • Some other input that I’m not thinking of that you feel would be a great substitute for this section

Would be grateful for any and all responses for thoughts on this section moving forward! Questions to get you thinking: 

What do you think is missing from the world? 

Why should we care about what we all have to say in this space?

đŸ€”

Branches đŸŒČ 

Something from you

Thanks to Nico in Washington, DC for his response to last week’s Log on violence and accountability in men:

“Excellent, excellent post. I think we need to take things one step further and start to have some actual conversations of how to model masculine positivity as men - how do you behave, how do you check yourself, how do you interact with others within the "male" sphere...I think those are questions that were not asked of us growing up, and we are asking them now, but there aren't any easy answers.”

Leaves 🍃 

Something to leave you with

  • Thanks to Eamon in Boston, MA for sharing. Great read!

  • The footballing world continues to strike a good chord of content. This time a bit heavier than previous reddit posts but well worth the 2 minute watch.

  • Thanks to Jack in Boston, MA for the nudge on this one.

  • Thanks to Myles in Bend, OR for sharing this article a few weeks ago. 

  • Longer read but interesting to see how companies, creators & brands have emerged focused on unbundling connection. Personally the “Neighborhood and Third Places” sticks out to me given its emphasis on communal gathering or lack thereof. Many thoughts on this!

The goal of this blog is to learn a ton and to help others do the same.

Your feedback is always welcome, and if there’s a topic that you want to hear more about, please contact me or fill out this quick survey!

If you enjoyed the read or found it thought provoking, I’d be grateful for you to share it with one other person who might as well by sharing the subscribe button below.

I’m stoked to have you here and talk soon!

Greg

Wind đŸŒŹïž 

What I’m listening to

Sometimes I forget that many read this newsletter with Thursday afternoon energy. To add fuel to that fire, put this in your pipe and shhhhmoke it!

If this 80s groove doesn’t get your hips moving I just don’t know what will đŸ•ș 

Last Night a D.J. Saved My Life

Indeep · Song · 2012

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