🪵 Asking the right questions

Hey everyone, 

Thanks again to Greg in Boston for the guest post on The Log last week. Not only a hugely thoughtful post but I feel like it was relatable to many at this moment of life. Can read here if you missed it: Am I Authentic?

We’ll have more guest posts coming as we kickoff 2024 on The Log. If you’re interested feel free to reply to this email saying “Greg, I’d love to write one!”

If you’re less ready to guest post but still want to help grow the community, feel free to forward this email to a friend saying “Yo dude! Check out this newsletter from a friend/guy from linkedin/mutual connection, it’s rad!”

Thanks as always 🙂

Roots 🌱 

Something from me

For so much of my life, the method of interaction modeled to me was rooted in asking questions. When I was younger, I unknowingly observed my mom greet friends old and new with inquisitive words and active listening. Most simply, she always asked questions and to me that came across as interested. Little did I know at the time that my observations at a young age would go on to shape a huge chunk of how I interact with people throughout different parts of my life today. 

In my opinion, questions are one of the most wonderful tools available in language. Thanks to the modeling from my mom, asking questions has become a default setting of my operation that I didn’t think much of until I was exposed to the world of career, dating, and post-grad experiences. To me, questions serve as the basis of social connection. They orient you with your peers and allow you to develop a sense of what’s happening inside the mind of another person. Not in a manipulative sense, more so in a seeing where someone is at sense. Worldview, headspace and mood all have the chance to reveal themselves at the answer of a thoughtful question. A dynamic that feels inherently empathetic and therefore productive in settings like business or dating. 

I’ve come to realize in those spaces that curiosity and questioning are not necessarily a given for a lot of people. And no no I’m not trying to pump my own tires - I don’t think only speaking with questions is great either. Speaking from experience, I thought for a long time that no one would have an interest in what I have to say, so better to just keep asking questions. That felt safer and was likely rooted in the same behavior modeled when I was younger. That’s changed in realizing that while questions are a great start, it’s also okay to put yourself out there because there’s always something interesting to say. It sounds cliche but everyone do be having a story.

It seems as though guys are less comfortable in curiosity or taking the leap of vulnerability to ask questions. Certainly many friends who identify as female mention how dudes just don’t ask them any line of questions on dates or more generally, which never fails to blow my mind. And I don’t have the answer either for why this is. But in male friendships, if there isn’t space for aware questions or active listening, how the hell are we supposed to support one another and provide social warmth? What remains outside of that? It’s become such an intrigue that in debriefing social situations with the homies, curiosity and asking questions are often discussed as something present or not.

Fundamentally, I’m learning that asking questions, being curious, and active listening demonstrate an interest in what another human has to share. In doing so, we create the possibility for someone to be heard, to be seen and to feel as though they have something interesting to say. In almost every scenario, they probably do and we would do well to listen with our own greater interest.

Trunk 🪵 

How we grow

To take this a step further, the beauty of social connection is the ability to have space to validate and empathize but with the emotion. What a total privilege to have space to support our friends and be supported by them. 

Notably, I appreciate the nod to being inquisitive. Being inquisitive with friends allows the space for them to process what’s going on in real time without fear of judgment. And a thoughtful question gives permission to answer with our actual thoughts and not what we think a peer wants to hear. 

In a cultural moment where it seems dudes stink at showing one another social warmth, how can we learn ways to meet them where they are with questions that don’t prove to be even more isolating?

Branches 🌲 

Something from you

Lotta love on the guest post from Greg in Boston, MA last week. Look forward to getting more fellow Thinking Loggers involved in the coming weeks. Here’s feedback shared from the community:

Leaves 🍃 

Something to leave you with

GoodReads - The Caretaker

• Shoutout Julia in Charlottesville, VA for the rec. “Morning Brew recommended this book. Described as a "tender examination of male friendship and rivalry." Fitting!

Collaborative Fund - 100 Little Ideas

• Great read. Read this a few years ago and came across it recently. So satisfying to comb through. Feels like scratching the itch of the human experience. Would recommend.

Instagram - Alcohol works until it doesn't

• Been hearing a lot of noise about drinking less. And when you really think about it, some valid points! Some more from the Rich Roll podcast here…

The goal of this blog is to learn a ton and to help others do the same.

Your feedback is always welcome, and if there’s a topic that you want to hear more about, please contact me or fill out this quick survey!

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I’m stoked to have you here and talk soon!

Greg

Wind 🌬️ 

What I’m listening to

It occurred to me that I’ve never posted any really stank beats on here. That’s a miss on my part.

Here’s one Jake in Jackson, WY passed along recently. Absolutely raucous:

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