- The Thinking Log
- Posts
- 🪵Where'd all the community go?
🪵Where'd all the community go?
Ancestral ties, constructive criticism, and something to smile about
Greg Milnarik
September 14, 2023
Hey everyone,
A fellow Thinking Logger recently mentioned that I should drop the “The” from “The Thinking Log.” Obviously a Social Network reference, but it got me thinking (no pun intended).
Figured it’s best for you all to decide: Should we drop the “The" and rename to just “Thinking Log?”
Feel free to drop a response if you feel compelled and I’ll share the feedback next week. Or not! That’s fine too 🙂
Roots (something from me)
In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, my mom’s side of the family immigrated to the US amidst the start of the Armenian Genocide. As Armenians living in Turkey at the time, some left during the first massacre in the 1890s, while others were bravely warned by Turkish friends prior to what started in 1915.
Lord knows what happened along the way to them arriving in the US. Their belongings and previous life were left behind in modern day Turkey and Lebanon. What they did manage to bring with them was a lasting sense of community.
Arrival of Great Grandfather, Jacob Koshgarian (Line 7)
Upon arrival to the US, community came in the form of the Armenian church in Troy, NY for my great grandparents and grandparents. More recently, the presence of the church has faded, but the sense of community in our family continues to evolve. For my entire childhood and still now, the family gathers for Sunday dinner. Sometimes we show up reluctantly, distracted by our individual lives. Sometimes we show up excitedly, encouraged to support and be supported by one another.
I enjoyed whatever we had for dinner that night (bottom left)
In earlier years, I took this tenet of community for granted, unaware of how exceedingly rare it really is. As I learn more about myself, I become more and more grateful for the foundation it’s provided throughout my life.
While showing up for Sunday dinner is important because of the delicious kebabs, showing up for Sunday dinner also builds the habit of what it means to really show up when it's needed most. For deaths in the family, sicknesses, or divorces, the family comes to one another in times of need to grieve, to gather, and to be with one another.
So even as we said goodbye to our great Aunt Liza this past week, who moved on at the age of 103 (not a typo), I can't help but feel comforted knowing that her life is one to celebrate as a reminder of what it means to gather as a community and as a family.
Trunk (how we grow)
On how to improve resources for men and create safe spaces:
“Some of this is structural/cultural where we are moving more virtually, connecting more online and less in an in-body way with the result of less people being involved in community structures that bring people together - places where we could connect outside of work. There’s work to create spaces, places, community centers or people that could partner up with ways that men are already connecting where they already are.”
It’s not just men who feel the impact of languishing community structure in the US. For the vast majority of the US, there is a severe lack of places to gather either with intention or even to just be around other people. City dwellers might have a leg up here. Organic social interaction happens naturally and it’s easier to get involved in community due to proximity.
And it’s no coincidence that as the presence of the church in the US has declined, amongst other factors, rampant loneliness has emerged due in part to a negligence of public space and its value to our nature as social beings.
For men specifically, how do we make it easier to say “Yes!” as we get older? How do we remove the stigma of showing the warmth needed to build/maintain lasting relationships? How do we give guys permission to connect with one another by meeting them where they are? I don’t have the answers but I do see it as a fascinating question our generation will face head on.
Branches (something from you)
A lot of the feedback I’ve shared in this section so far has been positive, so I figured it’d be healthy to share some of the constructive criticism I’ve gotten from a few friends as well.
Some of it applies directly to the blog, some of it could be applied to the idea of promoting connection through vulnerability.
Either way, I appreciated these comments for keeping me honest and thought you might as well!
“Dude I know you’re trying to create a safe space, but being safe for you doesn't necessarily mean it's safe for everyone else to want to share things. Just something to consider.” (super valid)
“I think a lot of people are victims of their past. And I feel like trauma dumping can be weirdly manipulative.” (honestly heard and agree)
“I think you can be more positive!” (can’t hurt!)
Leaves (something to leave you with)
Peep the top comment Part. II. Also, Come On You Spurs.
Possibly the best instagram follow in recent memory. Give it a scroll and tell me you don’t smile. Thanks to Annabel in Boston, MA for sharing.
This is just cute af and made me smile. Thanks to Harris in San Francisco, CA for sharing (again).
The goal of this blog is to learn a ton and to help others do the same.
Your feedback is always welcome, and if there’s a topic that you want to hear more about, please contact me or fill out this quick survey!
Twitter: twitter.com/gregmilnarik
Survey: forms.gle/Mbg5xaHmw8JKriFo8
If you enjoyed the read or found it thought provoking, I’d be grateful for you to share it with one other person who might as well by sharing the subscribe button below.
I’m stoked to have you here and talk soon!
Greg
In My Ear:
This song hits all the notes. Stoked, sad, dancing, running, pissed off, starting a new journey in life. Shit idk.
