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šŖµ Present of presence
On holding the present moment, finding your inner voice, and choice words from Arsenal legend
Greg Milnarik
January 18, 2024
Hey everyone,
Itās been so wonderful to make new connections via The Thinking Log community. This weekās guest post comes courtesy of Derrick in Boulder, CO who reached out to me a couple months ago to share what resonated most for him about The Thinking Log.
In addition to telling our respective stories, Derrick so kindly offered to guest post on the Log when the time arrived. Iām stoked to say that that time has arrived for Derrick to be our second guest Logger for this weekās Roots, Leaves and Wind š
All we have is our lived experiences and Derrickās got plenty of wisdom to share on the matter.
Enjoy! šŖµ
Roots š±
Something from me
For the last year I spent almost all of my time caught up in the future. Actually, when I think of it I've spent almost all my time since graduating from college being caught up in my future. This year just felt especially removed from the possibility of being in the moment.
I found out in March of 2023 that I was going to have to have a major surgery on my leg. Brief backstory: when I was 15 I had surgical complications that led to a near amputation of my lower left leg. Since then, I've had limited function in the leg and foot that caused the need for this surgery. I gotta tell you when I found out I was being forced to have it, I wasn't able to handle it. I wasn't able to be present this past summer or fall because I always had thoughts about the countdown to the surgery which was scheduled on December 5th. Because of that, I didn't really get to enjoy much at all of what would end up being my final summer of living in CO, the company of my partner, or visiting with friends and family.
Do you have a life event that stops you from being present because of the countdown? Are you getting married and can't stop thinking about that instead of enjoying your engagement? Are you single and can't stop thinking of your next partner instead of enjoying all the people you get to meet and your autonomy? Are you waiting for a promotion and struggling to enjoy your current position because you are anticipating the raise and increased responsibilities? Are you sick of the winter and wishing it away in day dreams of summer and warmer weather? My hope in all of these moments is to stop looking forward and start enjoying now.
What I learned from anticipating my surgery all of last summer and fall was that it didn't make any difference to do so. It was happening either way. There wasn't much I could do to prepare besides enjoy the time that I had walking and my independence without crutches & a wheelchair. Looking back, I wish that I could've been more thankful for what I had then rather than being worried about what I wouldnāt have post surgically.
Now that I'm in recovery, all of the things I spent my entire past year consumed by seem so trivial. Sure, is it difficult having to crutch around and go to PT and miss out on weekends with friends, yes. That being said though, are there other benefits that I could've seen to make it a positive sooner, absolutely. Had I thought about the additional evening time to read, learn guitar, call and connect with old friends via phone, and learn new recipes I've been putting off, I could've turned my frown upside down way sooner.
I guess the moral of the story here is, the only time we have guaranteed is now, and we should focus on just that. Make the most of your current position at work, the place you currently live, the place that you are at with your partner or with yourself if you are single, and the activities/hobbies that you have available to do currently.
To me, being present means holding hope for a better future while being content with current circumstances. In a society that puts so much pressure on us as young professionals and men to achieve, let's not forget to give ourselves a pat on the back for how far we've already come and where we are at right now. Hopefully this excerpt helps us all with being comfortable in the now with our peers rather than a date in the future that isn't guaranteed.
Keep in mind, the present is a wonderful present.
Trunk šŖµ
How we grow
On being aware of how to show up and be present in adversity:
āItās pretty clear that cis men arenāt socialized or conditioned to be present with their own emotions as a starting point, their inner world. They arenāt taught how to effectively communicate that inner state so as a result, theyāre less equipped to deal with adversity. Acceptance of the inner world and being compassionate with yourself to admit youāre having a hard time provides the real truth of where things are at. Itās grounding. Rather than living in the past, future or fantasy land.ā
Related to Derrickās Roots is this breakdown from a recent conversation with a therapist and friend of The Thinking Log in San Francisco, CA.
When I think about the friction between inner world and communicated reality, I find it so easy to lean into the inner world angst and stress that keeps us isolated. It feels programmed in the moment.
Developing comfort and acceptance around our inner needs, inner voice is crucial to furthering connection to ourselves and furthermore, necessary to creating meaningful connection in our relationships & with our loved ones.
Branches š²
Something from you
Huge thanks to a fellow Thinking Logger in Manhattan Beach, CA for his thoughtful and relatable response to last weekās Log:
āHey Greg I wanted to respond to your roots section. Also hello - we used to intern together haha. Thanks for putting together this newsletter.
I find it very thought provoking, and your roots section resonated because I have always been someone who prides myself on asking good questions and active listening. So much so that this technique formed as a default and I realized I was too insecure to talk about myself. Active listening helped me form great relationships, but today I am less concerned with that and more focused on becoming comfortable and confident with myself so that social situations can be a more equal give and take of listening and sharing from myself.
One of the ways I am practicing this seems counterintuitive now that I think about it, but I have been practicing being okay with silence in some of my social interactions. It feels awful to do this sometimes, however with the right people it has formed a sort of comfortable beauty between us that I don't think I would have found if I just kept asking questions.
Thanks again for the letter.ā
Leaves š
Something to leave you with
Podcast rec for this guest post covering the Law of Attraction and how it goes beyond mere wishful thinking, practical strategies to overcome the ego and the importance of setting powerful intentions that align with your deepest desires
Related reading to this weekās post. Watts explores man's quest for psychological security, examining our efforts to find spiritual and intellectual certainty in the realms of religion and philosophy.
Shame to say this guy's a legend on and off the field. And pertinent mention to recognizing the warmth we all need.
Top comment: ā...Learning to find security and placing your identity in something outside performance is such a tough thing to come to terms with and changeā š
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Greg
Wind š¬ļø
What Iām listening to
Derrickās choice this week - all time classic!
