🪵Are drunk words sober thoughts?

Hey everyone,

It’s settled. I’m stoked to announce that you and your fellow Thinking Loggers have decided to keep the “The” in The Thinking Log! 🪵 

A couple months into this project I want to say thank you to all of you that read The Thinking Log each week and make your voice heard with feedback or ideas. It’s really, really lovely (and cool) to share this space with you.

With that in mind, if you’ve enjoyed being on The Thinking Log thus far, I would be immensely grateful for you to forward this email to one friend who you think would be interested in subscribing.

That helps us spread this conversation and provides you with a point of connection to someone that shows you’re thinking of them 🙂 

For example: “Hey mate, have been reading this once a week and think you’d really like it. Peep here: https://thethinkinglog.beehiiv.com/subscribe.”

(Feel free to copy and past that^)

Roots 🌱 

Something from me

Last week I wrote about intimacy and the pressure guys feel to acquiesce to romantic expectations of being a straight dude. This week, I’d like to explore a tangential topic that literally and figuratively blurs the line between who we are and how we behave under the guise of masculinity: alcohol.

My relationship with alcohol began with a six-pack of Coors Light on the way to a sweet 16 my sophomore year of high school. I remember it fondly because unbeknownst to me, I discovered my love for the dance floor that night. That relationship with alcohol evolved with shots and binge drinking later in high school and again in college with kegs and weekend benders. My alcoholic tendencies culminated in a college study abroad experience that probably caused permanent physical damage to my body.

While I accept that behavior for the circumstances in which I found myself, and yes of course had some great times, I’ve entered the age bracket where hangovers have a hugely negative impact on my overall wellbeing. Even more so than the physical rumbles in the jungle, the mental angst that comes from heavy boozing commands a high opportunity cost. And so I’m learning to be more content to have a couple adult sodas with friends or a few on occasion, without the need to push it and certainly not the need to lose my sense of self.

Within that change in behavior, I’ve been afforded space to think about why it is that straight guys, particularly in a college setting, are convinced that drinking more makes you more of a man. Just like if you hook up with a bunch of women, you’re more of a man. And if you drink a lot AND hook up with a lot of women, then wow, you’re a legend. Is there a masculine fascination with excess?

Earlier in life, alcohol provides the social lubricant to build connection in the absence of self-awareness and intimacy. For college-aged dudes, alcohol serves as a proxy to intimacy insofar as they are not encouraged to comfortably explore who they are outside of who they’re expected to be: a frat boy, an athlete, or a dude who simply goes about his life without feeling like he has someone to open up to. That proxy to intimacy results in societal norms like “a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.” It’s hidden in plain sight of that phrase that guys only have permission to attune to their inner selves, their emotions, when drinking in excess.

As I learn more about myself and observe how older men struggle to maintain close friendships later in life, I can’t help but think that, without the crutch of alcohol to stoke connection, many guys struggle to meaningfully connect with one another due to an avoidance of intimacy and social warmth. Education on the connection between alcohol and intimacy (at the right time) might reveal some of the answers to loneliness we face as a country.

Trunk 🪵 

How we grow

I started The Thinking Log because I was shocked by the positive reception I got to starting therapy, and sharing what I was struggling with/working on.

We wake up, go to work, pass people on the street with their airpods in, and we forget that we all have things we’re struggling with/working on. And forget how much we could all help each other if we acknowledged that common ground.

Oddly enough, this quote fills me with hope for the future. The fact that this sentiment is able to be vocalized shows the slow but steady progress society makes towards a more empathetic standard of life.

Wouldn’t that be pretty, pretty, pretty good!

Branches 🌲 

Something from you

Thanks to Harry in Charlottesville, VA for the response to last week’s Log and inspiration for this week:

And thanks to Joe in Boston, MA who sealed the “The” decision with this note:

Leaves 🍃 

Something to leave you with

Instagram - Arsenal legend meets old teacher (first male role model)

• Must watch. And recommend scrolling some of the comments as well. Warms the heart does it.

LinkedIn - Service Saved my Life

• Thanks to Matt in New York, NY for sharing. Great example of the power of storytelling around men’s mental health.

Instagram - U.S. Surgeon General on loneliness

• If only we could sit on more Logs together… 🤔

The goal of this blog is to learn a ton and to help others do the same.

Your feedback is always welcome, and if there’s a topic that you want to hear more about, please contact me or fill out this quick survey!

• Twitter: twitter.com/gregmilnarik

• Survey: forms.gle/Mbg5xaHmw8JKriFo8

If you enjoyed the read or found it thought provoking, I’d be grateful for you to share it with one other person who might as well by sharing the subscribe button below.

I’m stoked to have you here and talk soon!

Greg

Wind 🌬️ 

What I’m listening to

I just finished The Unbearable Lightness of Being (thanks to Greg in Boston, MA for the rec).

What sometimes feels so heavy has a funny way of also feeling light.

Kinda like this here tune 🙂 

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